For as long as I can remember I have always been a loner. As much as I enjoy the company of others, it is in solitude that I am most comfortable. Even more so since my awakening. I have time to reflect on my thoughts and from observations I've had during my day, perhaps a conversation or something that I saw or heard in passing.
Being attuned to diverse energies and frequencies, my own energy depletes rapidly on days where I feel mentally tired. As a human sponge to energy and exposed to various characters and their behaviors, attitude as well as their feelings weigh me down when I allow it.
Since my awakening, I see my peers and family in a different light, where 3 years ago I took part in gossip and openly complained, feeling, annoyed, angry and frustrated over someone bumping into me or cutting in front of me whilst driving put a huge bug up my nose. I have no interests in these matters any more. I am not ashamed of my former behaviour or attitude either as I didn't know any better - you would think that a married woman in her 30's raising three children would know better right? Not that this is an excuse but the majority of the people in my community and places where I go all seem to share the same attitude. Always busy rushing around, getting upset and frustrated at the most tedious detail and allowing other people to anger them. I was most definitely like this and am so grateful now to be able to view people and situations with evolving eyes. As I had adopted this behaviour for over 30 years, this manner of thinking and personal conduct was all I knew, it did not occur to me that my behavioural patterns and thoughts had detrimental effects on my soul and spirit, to be honest I really didn't care or give much thought as to whether or not it affected me in any way. I was mostly concerned with being right and having the last word! So grateful am I to have experienced this negative pattern within me that it took a tremendous amount of self-reflection, self forgiveness and forgiveness of others which was one of the most heart-wrenching, emotionally painful and draining personal experiences I have lived through. I now take pause on my thoughts before giving voice to them. If a person or situation doesn't sit right with me I allow time to analyse why, I question myself and take into consideration the other persons thoughts and behaviour before I take action and have realised this works best for me, I don't retaliate in anger, but rather a thoughtful and logical way to respond which benefits both parties, this way of dealing with matters is an amazing transformation from my former self who would have been hot tempered and belittling. Far am I from where I need to be on being an improved version of me, this is a continual lesson where I learn every day and acknowledge that there will always be room for self improvement. It is a peaceful attitude that I am adopting, I notice every single day how far I have journeyed with my behaviour and thoughts. If it isn't positive, I say nothing. If someone acts to what I perceive to be irresponsible or selfish, I take a breath and do or say nothing, but if I have to, it is with a peaceful and calm demeanour......such an improvement!
I AM truly grateful for these lessons which are now being passed on to my children and those around me.
